just some general news

i try to keep this blog thing entertaining ,, i know i've been a whiny bitch a lot, and i hope to be done with that ..  it's now  overload with positivity .. here are  some random thoughts.   

i feel great , i've been doing my daily exercises without missing for 4 months , eating right, - the  one slip - the dinner  roll , showed me not to play around with my food intake..  

i have no hand pain for months now,  that makes the guitar playing really nice..  i used to be screaming in pain from my hands & arms..( it  was my neck )    my old songs were really short , because i couldn't play  for  2 minutes - without it hurting really bad.

now i seek out enjoyable things,, i'm not  going anywhere it's gonna suck,  i'm not doing anything i don't want to do..   i'm not gonna stress out over  stupid stuff.    no shows in smoking venues

i undid my neck pains from last week, i did some extra stretching , and i will see the chiropractor next week, and get back on my  3 week rotation. 

band practice was  super fun, music is easier to enjoy than comedy, for me , as a performer..  i love being on stage , it's my #1 buzz,, and then they pay you  too !!  wow

my tumor is playing hide  n seek now ,, yep , it's really small, even people who know where it is can't  find it..  that's a great feeling .

i got back up to 150 / 151 .  weight is  an easy way to measure what's  going on with my diet, if i'm eating enough..  the food is ALL very good for me , but sometimes i just don't put enough in the bowl.
  i want to stay between 150 and 155 - getting down to 141  was  just too light,  so i stepped up to  6 good meals a day -  for a few  days , and now  i'm eating  5  times a day,,  along with the  juice.    my teeth are not all grungy from coffee anymore. 

my eyesight  is altered since july,, i can see better , is it the carrots ?? is that true ?  maybe .. i know the orange poop is  from the carrot juice, i can see that for sure

ok, that's it for today , i hope to have more  "substance" in  future  posts... 

 a  new month starts in a few hours,, i'm  leaving all the bad crap in those months  that just passed ~  

positive results are what we are after  

someone special is gone

today would have been my sister Mary 's  birthday, she  would have  been  57..  My family is the best , that's it , the best.  A wonderful unit of love & harmony. everyone helps each other.   I'd  be a freakin mess right now with out their support.. Mary  passed away from lung cancer..   i did not  know anything about cancer when she was diagnosed.  seeing her in the horrible condition in the hospital was more than i could take.. i felt  useless , i could not help her.   i  wish i had known  what i know  now,  and maybe she'd  still be with us.  

Mary was my "personal manager" , meaning , i was out of control about my life, and i had her take over for me.  i gave  her my $$ and she gave  me a small allowance.  I checked in 4 times a week .,  we  made sure i stayed  sober.

She basically saved my life , and i couldn't  do the same for her.  it didn't seem fair.. she  did so much for me , and i couldn't  do anything for her..   

part of my "drive" , or , commitment to beating this cancer is for her..  i am not  going to let cancer take  2 of us, no  way !!!    

and  the family  is doing really well about my deal,, we've already had one funeral from cancer ,, and i will not  let it  take me,,   ..   i've been the  sheltered kid for 54 years,, the family would keep bad news from me ,, until the results were better...  i'd hear this kind of thing -- " yeah, dad's out of the hospital, the surgery went well "  .. not  , ""oh shit , dad needs an operation, and it might be  a tough one this time""

so october ends, what a  month,, good and bad memories, but  GREAT  overall..

i know she's  watching over me still , and  she is fully confident in the way i am fighting my cancer..

so i think today will be  up  & down for us as a family .. great thoughts about Mary , and then the tragic ones, about  loosing her , and  now that cancer crap is on another one of us......... ( me) 

i might be selling tickets to my funeral, but i have NO plans on making them valid anytime soon..


  report :
weight .........  150 !!!   wooooo
strength ......     A+
attitude ......     very good
tumor ........      TINY 
overall ......       9.4

another year has gone by

 well today was 24 years  sober, a good milestone, no alcohol since 10 - 28 -88  , age  30 ..

 otto Vs  not drinking was an easy  battle .  it was as easy as  DON'T touch it , and it can't touch you .  just over and over in 24 hour segments.  if you can quit something for  24 hours , you can beat  it ..  it happened yesterday , not  today, that was  2 days ago , not  tomorrow .    and  forever-   never again  .

the juice ( carrot & apple ) , go me off coffee, instantly ,, and  in 3 days,  i felt like i had never even  ever had coffee..

 i'm  back up to 148 today , i made  some potato "stew" yesterday , and some "chili"  today , and had mass quantities .  

i feel fantastic,   i undid my neck pains with the proper stretches , ding.

 a new month soon, and like the  24 hour thing above ,  in these  new months, i should have  a MUCH better attitude, because  of what  is happening ................ july sucked, , august ,  was better, september- still bad,  october ,, LOTS  of  mental healing ,,   so it's only my fault if i feel bad in November.

i am really interested in the superstorm that is headed to the east coast..  i hope  people are ready & don't get hurt

8760  days  sober ,,     i've  , "had cancer"  for  118 days,  same kind of deal,,   consume no cancer products, eat right, exercise,  and  everything will be fine,   the results are already wonderful 

ok that's it  for today 

twists & turns

and my fight continues,, 

since i'm doing my own thing, i'm not  getting any bad  vibes  from the cancer industry.  so  "my fight" - the physical part is actually nice, i HAVE to eat these certain foods, but   i have 29 teeth,  so eating is not that hard, my hand puts stuff in my mouth, and i  have at it....    it takes 24 minutes  to make the daily juice, a machine does most of the work,, i do WASH the stuff  first, and  cut the black tops off the carrots.. wow , tough. and my life is saved.....  eat ,vitamins, eat, eat, juice,vitamins, eat, eat, eat,  that's  about  how  "hard" it is...

i saw some people today that i haven't seen in 3 months, (they didn't know he cancer deal) ,,  -- " wow  otto,, long time , you look great, what are  you doing ?" ..............battling cancer with food  & vitamins...
the faces turn sour,,, eeew, cancer? ..  yeah but don't worry   (( then they get the 3 minute summary)).. a few questions later , and I FEEL better , and they are amazed... i guess worldwide, everyone knows someone effected by cancer , but not to many people  know someone who "walked away " from treatment...       i'm some  kind of rebel...  then i remember,  if i was  'being treated'   i probably would not have been talking to these people .. this would  have been week 2 of Chemo,, and after being so sick with the Flu last week, man i'd be feeling super crappy.  BUT I"M NOT !!!

hahahahahahahahahahahaha.  

i had to throw in a laugh there . 

well, it seems i'm going to weigh around 145 for a while.. it looks pretty foxy if you ask me, i've been on the weights and i'm kind of ripped, my short pants from last year are two fists too loose...  my muffin top is gone finally ..  i still shake a lot if my feet aren't flat on the ground,  so it wasn't coffee jitters for all these years, it's me. 

here's where the real fight takes place-  in your mind, and your mind is always there, helping,  or punching you in the face.   i get punched  quite often..   stupid cancer, and all that baggage it has, it can fill your mind up with such unhealthy crap.......   then there's the people who are worried about you- which is NICE  to have , i am truely blessed to be loved by so many people ,,,,,, ((some people die a lonely "life" )),  but  what has molded their opinions about cancer??    some are worried because they "heard that" , or  "read something on the internet",  and most of that kind of information is  standard cancer industry folk-lore , or as  i like to say --  propaganda . 

they say you have cancer- they test you- they want to "treat" you, after that , they re-test with machines that may  not be completely accurate,or aggravate the "cancer"  so,,,,,, MORE treatment, you have health insurance-no big deal, what's the problem?   sounds  simple,  what are you walking away for ??      another mind smack

i AM the experiment,  i'm the nutty professor, making my own  sauce, i can SEE it working, i can feel it working,  but i have not designed a "machine" that can spit out some  #'s  to compare to the  cancer industry  machines data.. i don't want to be hooked up to THEIR  machines,  they hurt, they damaged me, i felt like SHIT for 5 days.    so i have to go back to basics- and defend myself against the  "test data people" ..  well  you have no data , how can you prove what  you are doing ???   ..  just take a look !!! ask me how i feel , test my strength ,,  but   don't put SHIT IN my body and say ,, "hey there's some shit  in your body" we saw it on the test. here's the data ...

even i am brainwashed by cancer... i hear the little voice, ""hey bitch,, you have cancer""  - it wants to kill you,  it's not  gonna let up .  YOU CAN"T  do this  yourself, no one does this without doctors. are you some kind of dumbass??, come 'on ,

that non-sense  is in my head..   and  i KNOW i'm right , with my plan, but the crap in the air about cancer, is breathed in  by everyone . even me,,    dang !

if i could  only just keep walking , doing what i'm doing , feeling great , eating right,, thinking positive . with out that cancer voice haunting me... life would be great  

ok great  .. but ,,  are you - mr or mrs reader thinking - if he  had  the right test, the c voice would go away.??. 

pow - right in the brain!

i'm an alcoholic who doesn't drink , 24 years in 2 days, i changed my body into a NO-alcohol system, it  has worked out fine, i just can't put alcohol IN or on my body .  people said i couldn't do it my self, and i did...    if i am STUPID  enough to use alcohol again, well,, i get what i deserve

i got cancer , i changed my body to a NO-cancer system, it is working out fine,  ( 120 days in,)  i just can't put cancer in or on my body .. people said i couldn't do it my self, and i AM ...    if i am STUPID enough to put cancer in my body again,    well, i get what i deserve

great googale moogalee otto !!!!   ya gave me a headache

overall score ....     8.7
weight     ......       141.8
pain       .......        some - from  old neck issues
tumor size .......    laughingly small
strength  .........    feels like 1975
attitude   ......       waiting for  "data"     . 



 

 

all systems are GO!

cancer update..  it still sucks ...  i'd like to say  "i'm over it",  with a teenage girl voice.  and just be done...  

it doesn't hurt, it's not in the way , i can't see it without pulling some skin tight.   it's still on / in me,,  a pez size & shape is where it's  down to now..    i am confident that it is not spreading,, i've been really  diligent  with the anti-cancer foods & vitamins,, to  me the tumor is  imploding,, if it was getting worse,  my  tonsils would be as big as an apple, and they'd hurt  really bad too..  but they don't and don't . so there

i am behind on seeing the Chiropractor, this is an issue that i didn't expect,, today i could feel those missing visits,,  my neck was a major  pain issue for many years, and to get that  pain  level down to ZERO  for the last 2 years is simply a miracle..  water , and stretching , with traction.. never missing any exercises was a key also ..  

 to me, it's crazy how people  can not  dedicate themselves to a  self-life-saving program...  you have to do this  OR  you  die...   holy-cow,, that's not a hard choice...   and  NO !!  you  can't  "cheat - a little"....   i can't have  "just a 1/2 pint"  of ken & jerky's burried treasure  sherbert, not  today , not ever..  NO more coffee,, no more  boxes  of  nerds...  i choose  life, and a healthy one at that.  i don't get to have  ONE  shot  of  wisky,, because it's been  sooooooooo long

i was talking to a comic last  night, i didn't know  he was a vegetarian  ,, i'm a hyper-vegan,  the common  thought was ,, vegetarian food is  BLAND ,,  and that is almost completely true.. i said   SALT helps,, but people are confused about  salt...  GOOD  quality salt  is good for you....fresh spices  & herbs can  wake  up those taste  buds     AND   ,,  it is nice that no one will ever just eat  your food  , while  you are looking the other way ,,  like drunks  do to each other..   i was a very hungry drunk,,  i'd eat your food in an instant , if you got up to pee.. 

my weight seems to have  leveled off at 145... i replaced the  sweet ass bike with and old schwinn 3 speed , has  two  flats and it still works on the  rollers,,,  how nice is that.. i can get my cardio back up to snuff .. my  NO-fat  body %  looks great,,  i felt like a blob last winter,, and all that is  gone, gone, gone..

attitude - it makes  everything...  i must remember my own teachings,, and THINK of the correct things...   i can't  dwell on the  dumb things that don't matter  ...   i feel great , people love me , i have everything i need  ..   i just have to punch these recurring cancer thoughts in the face.

and today's weather here in Indy !!!  how can anyone feel bad in the  sun at 77 degrees at the end of october ??

ok , that's  the  update ...    i feel fantastic  , i just have to think correctly


and  one  more  thing about  Esperanza..........................

   

                               here is  Esperanza,  on her home beach of  Viques , Peurto Rico..
                                                            "just  caught"         feb 1998

          she went form this  sunny 80 degree beach,,, to 10 degrees  and SNOW , in 14 hours

my little buddy

today is the  two years   since my little friend passed away .

Esperanza , pure bred Puerto Rican street Dog...   she was my best friend, we did everything together.   She was such a wonderful car companion.. If you remember me from 54th & Primrose,,  @ the  stop sign,,   .. Esperanza would be sitting on her chain, and i'd be playing guitar in the yard..



she  had no teeth,  just her  crusher's , because she ground them off , with her tennis ball addiction... her  fangs looked liked cartoon hippo teeth, little pegs..  in her older age she ended up wearing  "helping hands",, so she could get in / out of the car , and up  / down the steps..    i could  go on for  days about her .. i'm sure she is watching every move i make,  she's  buried in the yard, so i get to chat with her daily...

                     

                                                      here  she is on her last day

                                                             the  two of  us at the park

                                          her   favorite thing, chasing rocks in the river


ok , go hug someone special...  


cancer update tomorrow

day altered , hill-billy-style

as i was returning home from the dog walk, a crew of  2 trucks  & 4  guys were backing into the driveway,,,  i say wrong house  guys, what are you here to do ?     -   them-  Clean out the house  & yard..

oh  NOT   1810 ,,   1801....   holy shit ............... what if i wasn't home to stop them.. that's right  idiot , the house across the street - the one falling apart, with the door open    1   8   0    1......

so my next 2 hours were ruined, the horrorfing scene that could  have  developed,,, ,,  broken in front  door,  what they would  have  done  with the dogs?????????

when would they  have  figured out ,, wrong house,,,  
 does  our house look like an empty clean out ??,, fresh cut lawn, no dust on the porch,  no fingerprints on the glass storm  door...   wow  i need to calm down

so i'm writing this instead of going over there and asking these stup's , who was gonna figure out wrong house??  .. and  probably get a wrench to my skull...   

 i should just  put it in the  Mr Lucky file?,, as in  LUCKY     I    was home to stop the whole thing  right away ..and  NOTHING  bad  happened

Mr Lucky ...  episode #12 ..  i had a  1970 dodge charger that i slowly rebuilt , before the  "resto-houses"  became available.. i drove it when i wanted to have fun, and go 100, and melt some tires..  it was a BLAST ..  black on black on black.. ..   i get in to go for a  ride,,  start it up, put my foot on the brakes to put it in gear , and  POW  !!!   the pedal goes to the floor ...  a brake line broke,,, still in park, i shut it off......  Mr Lucky,,,,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                   ..............  that could have  happened ten minutes later, on a busy street....    OR  the  DAY BEFORE,,   when i had a passenger...

but it happened  sitting there,,  parked,, how many millions of times had i hit the brakes,, and the exact one that the line  broke on , happened in the driveway...... standing still...... 

now to me,, the  car above looked  like this one below   , in my mind ............................. can  you  see it ...   it just needed  5,000 in body work

yeah,,,  the Sexiest Car  Ever Made...  1970 Doge Charger


ok, i'm  calm,, i'm not  gonna  go get punched, and i am  Mr Lucky again


health report ..

weight  143.7
attitude.  Very Good
pain ..     tiny bit,,,   3 weeks late  for the chiro..   sick last week  , $$ this week
strength .. best ever
tumor size,,,  smallest yet
throat / tonsils,,  no problem

and over the flu in 5  days  total, thank you  food  &  vitamins 


being back to the old job is great, way less stress than before, some new and better systems in place too.   so fantastic !! ..    just got to  get back in better  $$ shape, and  everything will be just great


re-test chatter .. from my cancer friends network, it seems there are  about  6 weeks after radiation, before  any  comparison/ tests are  determined, so i am  two weeks into that window,  with almost no tumor, and great health. 


ok, i must do a good  deed today , to erase my ill will  against the guys who didn't  check the address carefully .. 


out into the SUN we gooooooooooooooooooooooooo.........