About Me

My photo
fighting cancer with food & vitamins

Thursday, October 2, 2014

it's friday,

i am feeling real good about the upcoming event. months from now , i will be a zippty-do-da,walla-ka-zo, zim-flam babbatty bo - back to my self ,, and off the pain pills..

october is  a more special month for me than the other months.. lots of B-days, Esperanza's send off month, and my 26 years of sobriety.   in the drinking biz,, if you've been on the wagon, and ya get cancer , most people would bet  that you'd have a good chance of  "havin a drink"  ,,i mean -  come  'on , the guy has cancer,, stuff like that,,   but i didn't,,    i wanted to  a few times for sure ,, and now on the  dope,, man  one smooth bourbon would be epic.  but  NO way man.. so that's  a good thing.

the blog is gonna get more action now that stuff if changing.  remember positive vibes & prayers  WORK.. every time  , so keep them  coming.. and if you think you'd like to do something odd for me,, , at 11:11  , in the morning or the evening, if you see that time on a clock, please   just pause for  a few seconds if you can,  ( not if you are driving , etc.), and send me a smile.. my face is getting  numb , so some smile vibes will tighten up those muscles for me..  this is  11:11 on a clock  , not a calendar. just  to clarify.   twice  daily if  you  by chance see a clock.. soon it will be a world wide movement..  bla bla bla   11:11. smile  at  otto

saw my  Dad  today , his 84th birthday.  fantastic  visit. all the cancer surgery talk  got  done, everyone understands what's gonna happen.. i am feeling great.

i hope i get a surgery date for next week,, and get to recovering.

maybe in February,  we can have a big ass - He's well again !! party .. mark down the  16th. at the Melody Inn.. do it , put it on your calendar now.. 

the top off my head really hurts like a bad word.. i might have to shave my head . this hair cut  hurts too.  

here's a pic of me feeling  good, lets not forget

well that's it for now .  lets hope the surgery date arrives  today

what's happened ? these last few days

on monday at 9 am i called the answer machine of the doctors and  confirmed for the full  surgery. 

seconds later i started having the most intense panic attack in  history .  holy crap, what did i just do ??  i just signed up for the scariest event ever.

  then the sweating started, if you've seen my comedy set up close, i am usually a sweaty mess, Jerry Lewis style,  this sweaty episode was over the top.  i was instantly soaked, like i had just done that stupid bucket thing, and now comes the shaking... yooza !!..  so i had to take another shower, and re-clothe .. and lay back down

at 10:50  i saw my Pain doctor,,  the script needed to be adjusted to a stronger pill , and now up  to 8 per day..    still in pain all the time, but not as intense. i can not be  creative - it sucks ass.     i will have to un-hook myself from this crap after i heal.  We talked for a good hour about what i was going through, and my  "3 " options.  this visit really helped me calm down,  but i was still freaking out big time..     i took the new script to Kroger , they think i'm some crazed Percoset Freak,,  and this months bottle was giant !!  240 pills,,   ya just gotta love health insurance -   60 pills - $ 15,,  12 pills - $ 15 , 120 pills - $15,, or  240 pills - $15..  wacky..  went  home to lay down......

about 2 pm the nurse called to let me know they got my call and we can start moving forward..  i told her i was F R E A K I N G  O U T !!!!  and needed another 24 hours to decide.  she said that was ok , and understandable.. whew, she could have been really mean

so the rest of the day i talked to my team about what i should do..  

tuesday i re-called and committed to the "full boat" , the  3 surgeons  have to match schedules, and maye today ( thursday)  my surgery date  may be set.

i still want to do option #3 , less surgery , but i went for the full boat..   i think i'd be fine with #3, but he guaranteed !  a quick return of cancer, and he DIDN'T want  to do the lesser job. if they "did what i want"- at a certain point in the surgery, the doctor will have to say , " OK we stop here , because "Mr Expert" on the table  thinks he knows everything" , and the two other guys would be like , WTF , what a douche-bag!!...        and EVEN before this happened, the doctors all would wake up that day, to do a "stupid operation" that they  didn't believe in ~ for no benefit, and just have  crappy attitudes the whole  time.. i need an enthusiastic  team, like they WANT to be..

so i am going to let them be the super-team they want to be and go ahead and  cure me.  full confidence..  it will be way more recovery, but  no guarantee of cancer returning QUICKLY.  he says that with a "little radiation & some Chemo" , i'd  live long time .......    

 the possible side effects sheet is beyond scary.

once inside, they can do what-ever they think might help.  i want as little  good flesh removed as possible.

so i'm waiting , like you , for a  date, maybe next week ? ,  it's got to be soon, this  thing is making it's last ditch effort to consume me,  and the  stronger  pills  don't really cut it.     these suckers are making me sick. i missed work yesterday.  

 i do feel fantastic about how everyone is rallying together. my Positive Vibes & Prayer Team is  10 X bigger than in 2012..  nothing can go wrong with all of us ( especially ME ) staying super upbeat.

it's gonna be really tuff , these next few months.  one fantastic thing is knowing i get to stay home !! and not have to go out into the winter for a while.. i'm going to be pretty beat up, and if i can just stay home, man that would be incredible.

i  made the first call to start the  S.S.  Disability paperwork rolling.. i can see a nightmare on the horizon. according to my 2012 SS statement,  i'd  get maybe $ 1400 a month if it get's approved.  and that's a fund  I have paid into since 1976,  so i will gladly accept it if i can get it.. Most cancer people qualify,  it's not like i'm trying to fake a bad  back. 

the people at work have been really wonderful about my situation.  since July , when it became painful, They've really made an effort to keep my shifts kinda  "weenie" .. if  i get the date for next week then  i am DONE  working for a while.  i am super grateful that they treat me so nice.

ok ,     that's where we are for now

thank you for your love,  sent to me.

stay positive everyone !!  i will too



Sunday, September 28, 2014

official results

this should bring  every body up to date.

i have seen a team of 3 doctors, they know what they want to do,  i have NO  other cancer, besides  what i've had,, no spreading ,  so they  have super high hopes for complete success.
here's what my dang mind has been through.  the  CT scans  are radio active iodine solution, which i am allergic to.  i have to take something before the test so it doesn't really hurt me ..   so when they ordered the CT scan a few weeks ago . i agreed , because it had been  2 years, and i wanted to see what i am up against .  and i got sick and lost 2 days ..   in 2012 , the CT scan was from hips to head, complete, 2 weeks ago , they just did the 4 inches of my neck--     .  ( which i did not know) .... 

when i took the disc to the doctor, he says, it 'd be great to have a CT scan of your chest & head..  and i  just  flip upside down inside.. you mean they had me in that machine , and just did the 4 inches, and now i have to do the whole thing over,, $$  - time & sickness ??  - yep ..  and  why ??      to see if the cancer  has spread  --  which was the purpose of the  CT scan 2 weeks ago ..  ultimate frustration!! .. this lead to this  ---

ok , so you want to know if  it spread,  well doc , i don't care if it  has spread , because i am not changing my attack plan , and you guys will not be   going in after it.. we are here for the neck / throat issue.  and if i am chock full of cancer , i don't  want my family to know.. ..  and if i am chock full of cancer, what will you tell me then.. he says .. well then you have 3 months  to live.. ( best guess) .   so i am a-ok with hearing this..
 so there are  3 options for me ,, 
1. do what i have  been AKA - nothing
2. do exactly what the team wants to do
3. less than #2 , if chock full of cancer 

the most recent CT scan will tell this

so friday was the 3rd guy of this team,, all 3 are very nice, younger than me, and seem genuine about their profession ..   so the  3rd  doc, he went through my 3 options 

1. according to them , i have  done  nothing , so i can continue this , at $15 a month for pain pills, with death soon , as the tumor growth will "stoke me out".

2.  do what they want , because i am completely "save-able" ..  it's intensive surgery with major recovery. but the are SUPER confident with fantastic results.  

3. if i am "chock full of cancer", then just  do a pain relief tumor / cancer removal,  less surgery , and way less recovery . But since im chock full of cancer, it's gonna be  "all over"  anyway , so why do all the tissue damage, with no time to recover.. also  they guarantee the cancer returns rapidly,, and a  second chance surgery would not help ..

i want option #3, even if i am NOT chock full of cancer..  we will get to this  soon.

so the doctor comes in, BIG smile on his face,,  you are CLEAR !!!  no other cancer  anywhere..  when  he came in i was giggling,, and when i heard this , my face went to flat neutral .. no expression,,  kind of dis appointed   (  i will loose  option 3 now ) ..  the poor guy, the look on his face - trying to figure out why i am not jumping for  joy !! - no other cancer !! in 27 months of doing "nothing"  holy shit BatMan , this is incredible ,, they can fix me !!!..    yep , i was kind of stoic,  i and i just said    " i knew that " .   ( about no other cancer,  then inside i'm like - ok i get my $ back for that one,, all clear ,, i told them that  )..

so he says  ok ,  3 options 
 1, do nothing
 2. his plan , lots of stuff, very positive about very good results..    and then  he went into this plan .

i said what about option 3 ?  you haven't  talked about that..   . he  , with authority said  COMPLETELY STUPID IDEA !!   no option.  ,, you are not chock full of cancer, you  can be  fixed.

the difference between # 2  & #3  is a basically one more inch off cutting, but that will involve a possible 2nd skin graft, more  surgery , more recovery, and more possible side effects.  super scary!!!

option 3, is  less surgery, LESS recovery, but he guarantees the cancer comes back, within  weeks or months,,  and then there is no chance to be saved when that happens..

so    [ i think ]   i can beat any cancer they leave in me, with what i've been doing.. so i'm ok with them getting 99.5% , of the cancer, and taking less flesh. 
 anything that might  grow back will be destroyed with my new enthusiasm and renewed faith,, as  my recovery will be way less, and i will be stronger quicker, and less infection  sites..,,   the  doctor does not agree.

the paperwork  you sign gives them the right to do anything they think might help.  that means  possibly more stuff taken out, "as we found it ".   yes i'm being a baby , and i am scared they are   gonna take more  good flesh than i can  handle..  

so  option 2 is they only  option,,  i signed the papers, but still said i needed to confirm them on monday,,

 so that's the deal on the table,  i call monday at 9 am, and say  it's  ON !!  , or   - rip them up , and see ya later..   i think i could survive option 3, what i have been doing has worked, all the stuff i followed didn't  factor in my freaking brain that won't shut off.    
 i have  to agree with option 2, put my "big boy pants on"  and toughen up.  when he get's the  GO !  then the 3  docs will  get their schedules in order, maybe  the week of october  6th.

i am  actually  tired  from this  now..  it's been a beat-down on my soul,  ( self imposed )  -  without all the help i am getting i would have been toast a long time ago.  you guys  are  great...  

my sister started a Go-fund Me  thingy..   i can't promote it myself, as it feels like begging.  but it sure is nice that it is happening.. i am so humbled that people are,  and can even  contribute. $$ is  hard to come by now-a-days.   at least everyone knows that i am actually going to get all of it , with no Suit-n-Tie guy skimming his portion off the top...  

having this time off to recover will be giant benefit.  i won't have to go out in the weather as much, and wont be dealing with the negative factors  at work,, and i won't be a financial H-Bomb on Heather.    

i'm gonna learn me some new guitar licks.. yes i am

ok . 
everybody  got it ??

surgery soon, recovery after,  then  rainbows , unicorns, slow ocean waves.  positive thoughts only

health report 

weight                 138
attitude               i have given in , not  up
strength              physical good , mental - bruised
tumor                 call Steve McQueen  asap
pain                    always horrible, the pills barely
                          work , and there is not enough

my  hair has been hurting,, that's right ,, touch my hair and a   GIANT pain spike ,, so i buzzed it off
 see below .

have you ever been to Climb-Time ?  well grab here, put your foot on otto's knee, and then press palm onto top of head , and  up  you  go...

it's gruesome,, little kids are frightened
                           it's  gonna  poop !!!

it will all good soon , no worries TEAM !