riding the wave

i  am tired of having cancer, and all the  time it eats up,,  

if i would have know 3 months ago , my body would  feel this good, i would have not even gone to any  doctors.. i'm still having trouble  with the mind funk...  the mind  funk is from the  diagnosis and fear induced about what  might happen,,   i have to get over it , i feel weak mentally

at least i'm not suffering from "treatment" ,, i have to keep this thought going...  i have no physical ailments, beside my little blob.. 

we've entertained the  thought of  why get re-tested ? , if i still have cancer, and its less than before, then i keep this program going.        until little by little  my cancer is  gone.. i  don't really care if i have this tiny bump , it's not spreading , so what's the big deal 

my new stress  ( this is stupid ) is,,   how ate  up  i am about  having this  cancer thing  done..  

i haven't been on stage enough,, that's it , !!  .. well october i have  6 good shows  so far and i was invited into a movie  , and we have a read thru tuesday..   october will be my new  month of hyper positivity.. 

 no more complaining 

well , i just lost some more viewers,,  i  hope not

 

strange but true

       

in 2005  i started selling  " tickets  to my funeral" as merchandise,, they are refrigerator magnets... 

                                     and here is the song that  goes with them 

 

              tickets  © otto 2006

      i’m sellin tickets to my funeral

        it’s a guaranteed event 

i just hope i never die

you’ll wonder where your $$ went

             it’ll be fun at my funeral

elephant ears & jarts

they’ll play the smile song

everyone will sing along

             i’m pickin out my coffin

it’s got a plain white outside

and at my funeral

my friends will paint it real cool

            so get your ticket to my funeral

i’m supplying the paint

and when i’m six feet down

they’ll be one last sound

                           when i   got  cancer , i thought ,, dang .. it's those  tickets,,
                                i've cursed my self again...

  i've sold many more  since  the cancer appeared , not  sure if it's funny or  morbid.. who cares,, i'm not  dying anytime  soon !!!


ok , feeling  good,  i got just a bit behind in my foods  & juice intake,, and i scored a  day job, to get me  back into normal,,  but there's a small amount of stress,,   i'm the new  guy learning everything


ok support live comedy , or live  music ..   entertainers NEED  your face in the audience

nothing to see here , move along

i was talking to people tonight and lost track of the time..

i feel real good

every thing is  super fantastic


more  blog tomorrow

the go tee has got to go

               i'm getting lots  of  sun,  free vitamin D3!!




i am a dreamer,, i  enjoy  dreaming,   anything is  possible, i guess that's why i still feel like a kid... ...    here's my song    ........................

                                               dream to dream

                                      i live from dream to dream
                                    nothing is real  ...... it  seems
                                 my future calls me  and  it's  oh , so , clear
                                     how   i'll   be  standing there
                                             in another  dream
                               with this  same  stupid smile on my face
                                and i realize  that time just passes by 
                           between the smiles  that we make and give away

                                                                                                otto 2003


so  dreaming i don't have  cancer anymore,, was happening july 3rd,,
 what YOU believe in , is what  will cure  you... 

cancer is  some cells from your own  body , they are  out of control-shit heads, that destroy and engulf  lots of other cells,, but they  came from my own body ,, so  i believe  that what i EAT , can correct any  group of cells  that have  gone bad on me... because what i eat makes my body produce cells,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......  no machines  or  "medicine"  ( thought up after 1913 )    are  gonna  help me ,, ---   that's  what i  BELIEVE...  i can feel my results,  it  makes  them believe-able,,

so i'm in this positive loop of goodness..   i believe in what i'm doing , the results are POSITIVE,  "see-ing's  believing " ..  i feel great , that's  a positive  result, i've been told i look great,,,  that's also a positive  result of what i believe in....

headache  yet???????? 

here is a little musical happy break for your headache...    it's  a feel good number ..

                                no,,  a  song does not have to be  4 minutes long


otto  & the  gearheads  

ok,,,  share some good vibes if you can ,, if you need  some ,, ask someone   ! 



  

nicer than yesterday

now that's what nice weather is all about...  fantastic day  today, 'how about you?


i saw some friends who only see me 2 weeks apart,, they were  super amazed.. 

i thought about shaving my head  ..   that would  kind  of  make  me look like i have  cancer,,  super creepy  with the  go tee....  it would grow in gray for sure .. the  stress of those   first weeks  was   red-line  stuff.... i've  shaved  my head before , it's no big  deal,,  i've  done the  Dr Phil  , a few  times.. it's  way  funny....... 

weight .. 147.2                   i ate a whole bunch today

attitude ..   smart-assy, when alone....... super positive outlook maximum !! hell yeah

pain level..    zero ,,  to barely     .. also amazing

i'm  happy about -----------------------     NOT  being in the  7th week  of  radiation,, i have  no really bad stuff to bitch about..  kinda pissed  about  how  normal treatment  takes  the health out of so many people,, and  more people know about Honey Boo Boo  then the  easy way to never get   cancer ,, or........  beat cancer if  you have to..

it's  all   good  in the  hood .. sweet dreams if you get   the  chance  to sleep

                                                   ta    daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i'm keepin it real

22 days  till the  re-test,,,  3 mondays  and the next day,, october is gonna be great,,,  some family birthdays, my re-test , and 24 years  of sobriety, 

i can book shows again,, i know i wont have to cancel any due to "treatment" ,,  


my "radiation" is FREE ,, i sit in the   sun 
 
here's what my  "chemo " costs .... this is crazy...

9 apricot seeds =             .20
19,000 iu Vitamin D3        .60
other vitamins                 2.50

__________________________
                                    $ 3.30                       some cancer pills  are $ 1000 +  a month         


food  &  drink
juice daily                        9.33
food organic                  11.00 
__________________________
                                   $20.33      

average  total     ..   $  23.63    to   save my life !!!,, 

no "pills" from Big Pharma,  just Earth,, and i can consume with wonderful taste, my medicines

two people can split a   ONE  meal at Crapplebee's   for  $20  +  drinks, 
and that's not  gonna save your life 

 tests  cost ..........................................this is crazy!!

biopsy ...................... $   198.00
CAT scan.................  $  2054.00
PET scan ................  $  7475.00
"Encounter" ...........   $   482.00 ............  to talk to radiologist
room fee ................    $    35.00   ...........  to sit in Radiologists room to talk to him       
 E.N.T.    .................    $   ?????   .......    hasn't arrived,
2nd Opinion...........     $   ?????   .........  hasn't arrived
____________________________
                              $  10, 244.00

my costs after  health insurance. ((  $ 120. a month ))  
 way less  . also crazy..

biopsy ...................... $      40.00
CAT scan.................  $     180.60
PET scan ................  $     150.00
"Encounter" ...........   $     194.68
room fee ................    $      27.65 

 E.N.T.    .................    $   ?????  
2nd Opinion...........     $   ?????
_____________________________
                              $     592.93 ...............   this  "seems" like not much
add  "deductable" $   1000.00
____________________________
                              $  1592.93..     also  much less than the above  total,,                                                         but     who's   ready for  $1600.  in bills  out of nowhere?

my "retirement fund"   was  crushed by  "Just getting cancer," and the  "tests" that prove it

lucky for me, i was able to "physically " work,,              .. mentally , NO ..  the cancer funk is terrible,,  how anyone could  work through the first 3 months of cancer diagnosis is beyond belief...   it  wrecks you...  it even got me way down,, and then if  you get sick from "treatment" ,, good  god ,,  how  could you get better ??? .....

i feel  lucky that i was  able to inform myself enough to "walk away" ,  and  i get  to feel FANTASTIC, during  MY  treatment

so lifestyle change, anti-cancer food & juice program is about  $ 24 a day ,, forever... to stay HEALTHY,,,  just for  kicks, tally all your food  expenses for  a week,, divide  by  7,, easy math ...........  is  it more than  $24  ??  and  how  do you feel after you  eat   ?? 

it's  hard  to even google  how much  Radiation & Chemo costs,, 
 between $5,000 and $400,000,,,  are the  numbers ,,  
and this  money spent comes with some  bad  side effects 

 i wanted to take all the tests, and  did , to make  sure i knew what i had,,  so now i have to dig out of this  hole,, but that  wont be too bad, i feel great , that's  a great side effect

                            these two are good friends now..  sleeping back to  back 

                                  they pal around like sisters,  the humor factor is super high


ok   what a load  for today...  i never know what i'm gonna   blog, i just start going and   ding!