i talked with the radiologist today ,
he said he saw the pictures i sent him,
he asked "how do you feel? ".
i said FANTASTIC.
he asked what kind of test would i like ??
i asked what kind of test do they do after radiation?
doc : CT scan or PET scan
me :: i'm not having another PET scan
doc:: the CT scan is less "invasive" & it can tell if your cancer has spread, you can set it up anytime.
me :: ok, i will get back to you soon... click
not one question about "how did you do it " , just THE question - how do you feel?? so how i feel must be a measuring device . and "what kind of test would you like?" .. $$ for them
alright,, i feel great and have felt super, since my diagnosis and DIET change... i feel great ,, better than great - actually..
according to me ,, and most people,, if you FEEL GREAT , and have no "issues" - as in open wounds, broken bones, skin flare ups, grapefruit size tumors, ya don't go to the doctor.. you feel great , what is the doctor gonna tell you ? - keep up the good work.
when i was first seeing the cancer doc's , on my first visit , the Nurse was going through my medical history & current health status..
how do you feel ? - GREAT, but i am at the cancer center..
do you take any medicines ? NO
any health issues ? NO
headaches ? no
ringing in the ears ? no
night sweats ? just my neck .. really
pains ? NO
street drugs ? NO
alcohol use ? NO
sleep troubles ? NO
and a few more Q's all solid NO 's !!!!
heart rate ( at the cancer center ) 64 bpm
she then asks .. are you some kind of athlete ?? - comedian
then she says .. What are you doing here ?
i point to my tumor -- this ...
so How do you feel ? seems to be an important question
when i had the flu two weeks ago , i felt like crap , i knew it was the Flu , and it was gonna take so many days , and be gone .. some people said GO TO THE DOCTOR !!! ,, and i was like "so they can say go home and rest , here's some anti-biotics, how about a flu shot ?? " no thanks ...
i don't think doctors are gods ,,, some of them DO , just ask the Nurses,, ,, but not me
the doctor's "opinion" , might be WRONG , "let's TRY this" is not a very powerful statement,, OR " it might be" is not a solid reason to chop off body parts.. just saying
........yesterday's rant about my cysts,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, they missed 2 of the 3 cysts, 66 % failure rate ,, i never went back for a re-test, or check up ,, i was kinda mad , if i go back , they are gonna say oops! ,, lets get the other 2 out now,,... "nut" surgery HURTS !!! recovery is bags of ice on your fun zone , no walking for 4 days, and then 9 days of painful everything .. i figured they missed the two small ones,, i will see how big they get .. and a year later ,, kinda big,, until the diet swap ..................... to me , they failed, and just like a crappy resturant ,, i'm a bad customer ,, if you fail , i never go back.. no comments, just good bye... doctors make mistakes, they miss things , they are human,, see ya !
i've walked out of a few dentists offices too,, those guys are really crazy ..
first visit , new dentist .........
dentist :: "how long have you had this gold tooth ?"-
me :::::: 14 years
dentist ::::: we need to take it out !! to see if it 's ok under it
me ::::::: i get out of chair , toss apron on the floor
dentist :::: "where are you going ?''
me ::::::: FAR away from YOU
that was 15 years ago ,, the gold tooth is still doing fine
so now the cancer doctor's are telling me -- "this and that are gonna happen" ,, and NONE of it has ,, all the stuff they said will happen -- HAS NOT , so how valid is their "opinion" ,, and they said what i was gonna do WAS IMPOSSIBLE ... impossible ??
i know my treatment is not in their arsenal , or area of expertise.. maybe they should at least look at food & vitamins, watch a few Youtube videos .. heck just for kicks, for grins & giggles,, but NOOOOOOOO- those internet doctors are QUACKS !!
and the "brain-washing" about cancer stuck it's head out again today .. i was talking to a friend , about possibly getting a CT scan , or NOT ,, and she said ,, "what if the cancer spreads in the next two weeks?"..
dag gone it !!.. it's not spreading ,, it's been 120 days since diagnosis,, the tumor is 95 % smaller, it's going away (( but where?)).. what if it's in your lungs or brain???
it's imploding upon its self .. aka - remission
so will a CT scan calm the people who are worried?? maybe, and if it shows NO spread, then DING ! and double ding!!
you have to dig into my neck to feel the tumor now, so a CT scan will show i still have some cancer, and where it is ... what is the accuracy % of a CT scan . not 100
i was STAGE 4 cancer ( the final stage , no stage 5 ) july 27th , with a tumor as big as a burger. i turned my body into a NO cancer Zone july 3rd,, if it was going to spread , it would have - between , years ago and july 4th , and the PET scan on july 23rd, would have shown spread , but it did not,, the poison in the PET scan blew the tumor up by 20 times. since then , it has gotten smaller everyday.. and that fat ass tumor was as hard as a rock,, it wasn't "swelling" ,it wasn't soft,, it did not "vein-out",,
the radiologist said my small tumor "veined-out" * as in a VEIN all of a sudden started feeding it ,, at the very same time the PET scan was happening.,, all in the same 3 hours ...... bullshit... in june - the biopsy lady said this -- oh good , there are no veins feeding your tumor, ,,
ok get to the point otto -
some of my family are worried,, we lost my sister to cancer. they don't want me to die too. they want "test" results. and i understand .. some of the family are ON BOARD with my thought process. there are some casual observers out there thinking i'm out of my mind to do what i'm doing.. ... but it's working ,, basically no tumor at 120 days - impossible - i feel GREAT - that's also not supposed to happen - while battling cancer, and i look good too.. if i don't tell someone i have cancer, they would have no idea. NO grapefruit growing on my neck..
"just take the test"
someone is thinking , he doesn't want a test because he's wrong, the cancer is spreading, and he's in big trouble ... he just doesn't know it yet........................... and is afraid .. i had one friend ask me when it all started.. ""how are you gonna tell people when you find out you were wrong ??""
my life partner, Heather, has been so supportive through this whole thing, she talked to the doctors when i "was done with them" ,, she's seen the tumor go from - what the hell is this thing on my neck?? , to holy shit WHAT happened?? it's HUGE ,, to i can't see it at all now.. she was there ( lucky for me ) when the call came - YHC.. i hung up and said , "well - i have cancer " , and they want to operate on me in 4 days...... then after all the "tests" and the side effects were spelled out , we got home , and she saw me break down and crumble..
i said ..........
"i'm not afraid to die, i've lived a great life, but i'm NOT gonna let them "treat me" to death .. i'm going to do my own thing , for the same amount of time ( 8 weeks) and see how i feel.."
how do i feel ??? awesome
total success.. no bad side effects, and a tiny tiny tumor..
but it's cancer,, "you can't play around with that" .. guess what --- i am not "playing around " with it , this shit can kill ya , and i am beating the shit out of IT
and then this comes back up................
how can you tell ??? where are the test results??
f#@k !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm tired
if you made it this far , thank you, i'm not bitching. i'm frustrated, tired , and broke, i want a cup of coffee RIGHT NOW
but i LOOK great & feel fantastic .. and no one is taking that away from me
it's MoVember
i am in a group of guys who are growing mustaches for MoVember & Son's.. it's a cancer awareness program to fight Mens Cancers.. here is my page
http://us.movember.com/mospace/4597377
you can donate if you'd like . the $$ goes to research , for prostrate & testicular cancer,,, too many men get these cancers...
i've had testicular Cysts, they weren't cancer, had ONE removed, but they missed 2 small ones , and they grew to be uncomfortable, as in - you can't cross your legs sitting down with out some squish-age , a "bag" can only hold so much, if you know what i mean.. and your testicles are the ones who feel crowded, not the new guys
the food & vitamin program is shrinking my testicular cysts too!!! they were getting pretty big, i thought i was gonna have to get another "Nut Job" , that was 2 weeks of hell - recovery wise,, I didn't want to rush into that, especially since they MISSED 2 the first time.. i should have written in Shaprie in my stomach - THERE'S MORE THAN ONE !!!..
i told them verbally - there are 3 , NOT just one , and the nurse said - "don't worry , they will get them all " ...
well they didn't... the 2 they missed grew to an uncomfortable size in one year... ( from june to June ) ..
so , mid June i was like "damn - i'm gonna need another Nut Job" , then the neck "blob" appeared, and i was focused on that , which turned out to be MY cancer.. the nuts can wait - NOW i have cancer - dang !!.... about 20 days into the super diet , my "extra Nuts" were shrinking ,, if YOU don't believe me , you are invited to check for yourself - eeeeeeeeeeeeek !!! just kidding... hee hee
if you remember - at the start of this blog , i was gonna "keep it real" not hold back ,, well this is one of those posts . i have a few minutes of comedy about my "nut Job" ,, i don't do them often , but the final punchline is
" so now my nut sack looks like Bruce Jenner's face".
have i made you go .. eeeeeeeeeeew , wtf -otto!! ?
well LIFE does that ,, so suck it up , and get on with it.
it's November .. good thoughts Month !!!
ok that's today's rant .. and now you know WAY too much about me
here's my new song .... kinda summs up my life..
..........................NO Fun ............... otto -2012
well my teeth are black from coffee
my hands are red from sin
there's lines on my face
from the trouble I've been in
my hair is always messy
from the weird thoughts in my head
and i didn't learn much
the 3 times i was dead
well i drank too much liquor
and i smoked too much blow
i wish i could go back in time
with the things that i now know
it's no fun BEING me
it's no fun BEING me
well my bones are old and broken
i've got CANCER in my neck
the Devil's had both hands on me
but he hasn't caught me yet
so here i stand before you
telling jokes & singing songs
i'm just trying to get through my life
doing RIGHT , with no wrongs
but i drank too much liquor
and i smoked too much blow
i wish i could go back in time
with the things that i now know
it's no fun BEING me
it's no fun BEING me
ok ,, have a great month , i KNOW i am
i try to keep this blog thing entertaining ,, i know i've been a whiny bitch a lot, and i hope to be done with that .. it's now overload with positivity .. here are some random thoughts.
i feel great , i've been doing my daily exercises without missing for 4 months , eating right, - the one slip - the dinner roll , showed me not to play around with my food intake..
i have no hand pain for months now, that makes the guitar playing really nice.. i used to be screaming in pain from my hands & arms..( it was my neck ) my old songs were really short , because i couldn't play for 2 minutes - without it hurting really bad.
now i seek out enjoyable things,, i'm not going anywhere it's gonna suck, i'm not doing anything i don't want to do.. i'm not gonna stress out over stupid stuff. no shows in smoking venues
i undid my neck pains from last week, i did some extra stretching , and i will see the chiropractor next week, and get back on my 3 week rotation.
band practice was super fun, music is easier to enjoy than comedy, for me , as a performer.. i love being on stage , it's my #1 buzz,, and then they pay you too !! wow
my tumor is playing hide n seek now ,, yep , it's really small, even people who know where it is can't find it.. that's a great feeling .
i got back up to 150 / 151 . weight is an easy way to measure what's going on with my diet, if i'm eating enough.. the food is ALL very good for me , but sometimes i just don't put enough in the bowl.
i want to stay between 150 and 155 - getting down to 141 was just too light, so i stepped up to 6 good meals a day - for a few days , and now i'm eating 5 times a day,, along with the juice. my teeth are not all grungy from coffee anymore.
my eyesight is altered since july,, i can see better , is it the carrots ?? is that true ? maybe .. i know the orange poop is from the carrot juice, i can see that for sure
ok, that's it for today , i hope to have more "substance" in future posts...
a new month starts in a few hours,, i'm leaving all the bad crap in those months that just passed ~
positive results are what we are after
today would have been my sister Mary 's birthday, she would have been 57.. My family is the best , that's it , the best. A wonderful unit of love & harmony. everyone helps each other. I'd be a freakin mess right now with out their support.. Mary passed away from lung cancer.. i did not know anything about cancer when she was diagnosed. seeing her in the horrible condition in the hospital was more than i could take.. i felt useless , i could not help her. i wish i had known what i know now, and maybe she'd still be with us.
Mary was my "personal manager" , meaning , i was out of control about my life, and i had her take over for me. i gave her my $$ and she gave me a small allowance. I checked in 4 times a week ., we made sure i stayed sober.
She basically saved my life , and i couldn't do the same for her. it didn't seem fair.. she did so much for me , and i couldn't do anything for her..
part of my "drive" , or , commitment to beating this cancer is for her.. i am not going to let cancer take 2 of us, no way !!!
and the family is doing really well about my deal,, we've already had one funeral from cancer ,, and i will not let it take me,, .. i've been the sheltered kid for 54 years,, the family would keep bad news from me ,, until the results were better... i'd hear this kind of thing -- " yeah, dad's out of the hospital, the surgery went well " .. not , ""oh shit , dad needs an operation, and it might be a tough one this time""
so october ends, what a month,, good and bad memories, but GREAT overall..
i know she's watching over me still , and she is fully confident in the way i am fighting my cancer..
so i think today will be up & down for us as a family .. great thoughts about Mary , and then the tragic ones, about loosing her , and now that cancer crap is on another one of us......... ( me)
i might be selling tickets to my funeral, but i have NO plans on making them valid anytime soon..
report :
weight ......... 150 !!! wooooo
strength ...... A+
attitude ...... very good
tumor ........ TINY
overall ...... 9.4
well today was 24 years sober, a good milestone, no alcohol since 10 - 28 -88 , age 30 ..
otto Vs not drinking was an easy battle . it was as easy as DON'T touch it , and it can't touch you . just over and over in 24 hour segments. if you can quit something for 24 hours , you can beat it .. it happened yesterday , not today, that was 2 days ago , not tomorrow . and forever- never again .
the juice ( carrot & apple ) , go me off coffee, instantly ,, and in 3 days, i felt like i had never even ever had coffee..
i'm back up to 148 today , i made some potato "stew" yesterday , and some "chili" today , and had mass quantities .
i feel fantastic, i undid my neck pains with the proper stretches , ding.
a new month soon, and like the 24 hour thing above , in these new months, i should have a MUCH better attitude, because of what is happening ................ july sucked, , august , was better, september- still bad, october ,, LOTS of mental healing ,, so it's only my fault if i feel bad in November.
i am really interested in the superstorm that is headed to the east coast.. i hope people are ready & don't get hurt
8760 days sober ,, i've , "had cancer" for 118 days, same kind of deal,, consume no cancer products, eat right, exercise, and everything will be fine, the results are already wonderful
ok that's it for today
