this should bring every body up to date.
i have seen a team of 3 doctors, they know what they want to do, i have NO other cancer, besides what i've had,, no spreading , so they have super high hopes for complete success.
here's what my dang mind has been through. the CT scans are radio active iodine solution, which i am allergic to. i have to take something before the test so it doesn't really hurt me .. so when they ordered the CT scan a few weeks ago . i agreed , because it had been 2 years, and i wanted to see what i am up against . and i got sick and lost 2 days .. in 2012 , the CT scan was from hips to head, complete, 2 weeks ago , they just did the 4 inches of my neck-- . ( which i did not know) ....
when i took the disc to the doctor, he says, it 'd be great to have a CT scan of your chest & head.. and i just flip upside down inside.. you mean they had me in that machine , and just did the 4 inches, and now i have to do the whole thing over,, $$ - time & sickness ?? - yep .. and why ?? to see if the cancer has spread -- which was the purpose of the CT scan 2 weeks ago .. ultimate frustration!! .. this lead to this ---
ok , so you want to know if it spread, well doc , i don't care if it has spread , because i am not changing my attack plan , and you guys will not be going in after it.. we are here for the neck / throat issue. and if i am chock full of cancer , i don't want my family to know.. .. and if i am chock full of cancer, what will you tell me then.. he says .. well then you have 3 months to live.. ( best guess) . so i am a-ok with hearing this..
so there are 3 options for me ,,
1. do what i have been AKA - nothing
2. do exactly what the team wants to do
3. less than #2 , if chock full of cancer
the most recent CT scan will tell this
so friday was the 3rd guy of this team,, all 3 are very nice, younger than me, and seem genuine about their profession .. so the 3rd doc, he went through my 3 options
1. according to them , i have done nothing , so i can continue this , at $15 a month for pain pills, with death soon , as the tumor growth will "stoke me out".
2. do what they want , because i am completely "save-able" .. it's intensive surgery with major recovery. but the are SUPER confident with fantastic results.
3. if i am "chock full of cancer", then just do a pain relief tumor / cancer removal, less surgery , and way less recovery . But since im chock full of cancer, it's gonna be "all over" anyway , so why do all the tissue damage, with no time to recover.. also they guarantee the cancer returns rapidly,, and a second chance surgery would not help ..
i want option #3, even if i am NOT chock full of cancer.. we will get to this soon.
so the doctor comes in, BIG smile on his face,, you are CLEAR !!! no other cancer anywhere.. when he came in i was giggling,, and when i heard this , my face went to flat neutral .. no expression,, kind of dis appointed ( i will loose option 3 now ) .. the poor guy, the look on his face - trying to figure out why i am not jumping for joy !! - no other cancer !! in 27 months of doing "nothing" holy shit BatMan , this is incredible ,, they can fix me !!!.. yep , i was kind of stoic, i and i just said " i knew that " . ( about no other cancer, then inside i'm like - ok i get my $ back for that one,, all clear ,, i told them that )..
so he says ok , 3 options
1, do nothing
2. his plan , lots of stuff, very positive about very good results.. and then he went into this plan .
i said what about option 3 ? you haven't talked about that.. . he , with authority said COMPLETELY STUPID IDEA !! no option. ,, you are not chock full of cancer, you can be fixed.
the difference between # 2 & #3 is a basically one more inch off cutting, but that will involve a possible 2nd skin graft, more surgery , more recovery, and more possible side effects. super scary!!!
option 3, is less surgery, LESS recovery, but he guarantees the cancer comes back, within weeks or months,, and then there is no chance to be saved when that happens..
so [ i think ] i can beat any cancer they leave in me, with what i've been doing.. so i'm ok with them getting 99.5% , of the cancer, and taking less flesh.
anything that might grow back will be destroyed with my new enthusiasm and renewed faith,, as my recovery will be way less, and i will be stronger quicker, and less infection sites..,, the doctor does not agree.
the paperwork you sign gives them the right to do anything they think might help. that means possibly more stuff taken out, "as we found it ". yes i'm being a baby , and i am scared they are gonna take more good flesh than i can handle..
so option 2 is they only option,, i signed the papers, but still said i needed to confirm them on monday,,
so that's the deal on the table, i call monday at 9 am, and say it's ON !! , or - rip them up , and see ya later.. i think i could survive option 3, what i have been doing has worked, all the stuff i followed didn't factor in my freaking brain that won't shut off.
i have to agree with option 2, put my "big boy pants on" and toughen up. when he get's the GO ! then the 3 docs will get their schedules in order, maybe the week of october 6th.
i am actually tired from this now.. it's been a beat-down on my soul, ( self imposed ) - without all the help i am getting i would have been toast a long time ago. you guys are great...
my sister started a Go-fund Me thingy.. i can't promote it myself, as it feels like begging. but it sure is nice that it is happening.. i am so humbled that people are, and can even contribute. $$ is hard to come by now-a-days. at least everyone knows that i am actually going to get all of it , with no Suit-n-Tie guy skimming his portion off the top...
having this time off to recover will be giant benefit. i won't have to go out in the weather as much, and wont be dealing with the negative factors at work,, and i won't be a financial H-Bomb on Heather.
i'm gonna learn me some new guitar licks.. yes i am
ok .
everybody got it ??
surgery soon, recovery after, then rainbows , unicorns, slow ocean waves. positive thoughts only
health report
weight 138
attitude i have given in , not up
strength physical good , mental - bruised
tumor call Steve McQueen asap
pain always horrible, the pills barely
work , and there is not enough
my hair has been hurting,, that's right ,, touch my hair and a GIANT pain spike ,, so i buzzed it off
see below .
have you ever been to Climb-Time ? well grab here, put your foot on otto's knee, and then press palm onto top of head , and up you go...
it's gruesome,, little kids are frightened
it's gonna poop !!!
it will all good soon , no worries TEAM !
look at that handsome face! lifting you up in prayer this morning and so glad to hear you're learning new guitar licks because you need to keep entertaining us and moving forward, you have so much to contribute (no pressure hehe!) you are enveloped in LOVE!!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat News! Thanks for the Blog! I need to be in your loop! You make me feel good!
ReplyDeleteYou keep getting Stronger and Stronger Otto, Thank you Brother for the update !!
ReplyDelete