official results

this should bring  every body up to date.

 

i have seen a team of 3 doctors, they know what they want to do,  i have NO  other cancer, besides  what i've had,, no spreading ,  so they  have super high hopes for complete success.
  
here's what my dang mind has been through.  the  CT scans  are radio active iodine solution, which i am allergic to.  i have to take something before the test so it doesn't really hurt me ..   so when they ordered the CT scan a few weeks ago . i agreed , because it had been  2 years, and i wanted to see what i am up against .  and i got sick and lost 2 days ..   in 2012 , the CT scan was from hips to head, complete, 2 weeks ago , they just did the 4 inches of my neck--     .  ( which i did not know) .... 

when i took the disc to the doctor, he says, it 'd be great to have a CT scan of your chest & head..  and i  just  flip upside down inside.. you mean they had me in that machine , and just did the 4 inches, and now i have to do the whole thing over,, $$  - time & sickness ??  - yep ..  and  why ??      to see if the cancer  has spread  --  which was the purpose of the  CT scan 2 weeks ago ..  ultimate frustration!! .. this lead to this  ---

ok , so you want to know if  it spread,  well doc , i don't care if it  has spread , because i am not changing my attack plan , and you guys will not be   going in after it.. we are here for the neck / throat issue.  and if i am chock full of cancer , i don't  want my family to know.. ..  and if i am chock full of cancer, what will you tell me then.. he says .. well then you have 3 months  to live.. ( best guess) .   so i am a-ok with hearing this..
 so there are  3 options for me ,, 
1. do what i have  been AKA - nothing
2. do exactly what the team wants to do
3. less than #2 , if chock full of cancer 

the most recent CT scan will tell this

so friday was the 3rd guy of this team,, all 3 are very nice, younger than me, and seem genuine about their profession ..   so the  3rd  doc, he went through my 3 options 

1. according to them , i have  done  nothing , so i can continue this , at $15 a month for pain pills, with death soon , as the tumor growth will "stoke me out".

2.  do what they want , because i am completely "save-able" ..  it's intensive surgery with major recovery. but the are SUPER confident with fantastic results.  

3. if i am "chock full of cancer", then just  do a pain relief tumor / cancer removal,  less surgery , and way less recovery . But since im chock full of cancer, it's gonna be  "all over"  anyway , so why do all the tissue damage, with no time to recover.. also  they guarantee the cancer returns rapidly,, and a  second chance surgery would not help ..

i want option #3, even if i am NOT chock full of cancer..  we will get to this  soon.


so the doctor comes in, BIG smile on his face,,  you are CLEAR !!!  no other cancer  anywhere..  when  he came in i was giggling,, and when i heard this , my face went to flat neutral .. no expression,,  kind of dis appointed   (  i will loose  option 3 now ) ..  the poor guy, the look on his face - trying to figure out why i am not jumping for  joy !! - no other cancer !! in 27 months of doing "nothing"  holy shit BatMan , this is incredible ,, they can fix me !!!..    yep , i was kind of stoic,  i and i just said    " i knew that " .   ( about no other cancer,  then inside i'm like - ok i get my $ back for that one,, all clear ,, i told them that  )..

so he says  ok ,  3 options 
 1, do nothing
 2. his plan , lots of stuff, very positive about very good results..    and then  he went into this plan .

i said what about option 3 ?  you haven't  talked about that..   . he  , with authority said  COMPLETELY STUPID IDEA !!   no option.  ,, you are not chock full of cancer, you  can be  fixed.

the difference between # 2  & #3  is a basically one more inch off cutting, but that will involve a possible 2nd skin graft, more  surgery , more recovery, and more possible side effects.  super scary!!!

option 3, is  less surgery, LESS recovery, but he guarantees the cancer comes back, within  weeks or months,,  and then there is no chance to be saved when that happens..

so    [ i think ]   i can beat any cancer they leave in me, with what i've been doing.. so i'm ok with them getting 99.5% , of the cancer, and taking less flesh. 
 anything that might  grow back will be destroyed with my new enthusiasm and renewed faith,, as  my recovery will be way less, and i will be stronger quicker, and less infection  sites..,,   the  doctor does not agree.

the paperwork  you sign gives them the right to do anything they think might help.  that means  possibly more stuff taken out, "as we found it ".   yes i'm being a baby , and i am scared they are   gonna take more  good flesh than i can  handle..  

so  option 2 is they only  option,,  i signed the papers, but still said i needed to confirm them on monday,,

 so that's the deal on the table,  i call monday at 9 am, and say  it's  ON !!  , or   - rip them up , and see ya later..   i think i could survive option 3, what i have been doing has worked, all the stuff i followed didn't  factor in my freaking brain that won't shut off.    
 i have  to agree with option 2, put my "big boy pants on"  and toughen up.  when he get's the  GO !  then the 3  docs will  get their schedules in order, maybe  the week of october  6th.

i am  actually  tired  from this  now..  it's been a beat-down on my soul,  ( self imposed )  -  without all the help i am getting i would have been toast a long time ago.  you guys  are  great...  

my sister started a Go-fund Me  thingy..   i can't promote it myself, as it feels like begging.  but it sure is nice that it is happening.. i am so humbled that people are,  and can even  contribute. $$ is  hard to come by now-a-days.   at least everyone knows that i am actually going to get all of it , with no Suit-n-Tie guy skimming his portion off the top...  

having this time off to recover will be giant benefit.  i won't have to go out in the weather as much, and wont be dealing with the negative factors  at work,, and i won't be a financial H-Bomb on Heather.    

i'm gonna learn me some new guitar licks.. yes i am

ok . 
everybody  got it ??

surgery soon, recovery after,  then  rainbows , unicorns, slow ocean waves.  positive thoughts only


health report 

weight                 138
attitude               i have given in , not  up
strength              physical good , mental - bruised
tumor                 call Steve McQueen  asap
pain                    always horrible, the pills barely
                          work , and there is not enough

my  hair has been hurting,, that's right ,, touch my hair and a   GIANT pain spike ,, so i buzzed it off
 see below .

have you ever been to Climb-Time ?  well grab here, put your foot on otto's knee, and then press palm onto top of head , and  up  you  go...

it's gruesome,, little kids are frightened

                           it's  gonna  poop !!!

it will all good soon , no worries TEAM !