the dog comedy just never ends here..
this month has been great , i'm blended in at work, there is minimal stress, and i've had many good shows. i "feel" normal again. i have a good "earth job" ,, and i get to be on stage frequently..... 14 + gigs a month.... i've received many nice comments from other comics, and audience members about how my show is "more alive" or "just better" somehow... i am also having fun ON stage now too.
so THAT part of my life is doing great..
the cancer deal is and up & down thing... i'm UP !! , my tumor is almost the "speck" it was for many years.. i'm healthier than ever !! , my strength is almost like my high school days, and my attitude is constantly very good. i am confident in my "treatment" and i am not afraid of the cancer i have on me - it's not moving , or getting worse.
my problem is "proof" that it's working - as in paperwork stating that my cancer is going away.. the 2 tests that will show no spread are not user friendly.. one is nuclear, and the other is Iodine.. the nuclear ( PET) scan really did me wrong, so i'll never have another one of those.. the CT scan (iodine), didn't effect me nearly as bad , but i signed up for that when my mind was melting about the possible cancer diagnosis.. i can't remember really even having the CT in late june or early july ... i DO remember being really itchy, that's one of the minor side effects...
if my cancer was "private" , as in, no one knew about it,, i would never go back to the cancer center.. i believe that my diet & suppliments are working .. i feel really good.. One of my cancer friends told me --- " well - you can feel great , and have a shit-load of cancer in you " .. this sentence has been re-playing in my mind .. his cancer spread quickly and would have done him in, , he went through "treatment" and is fine now... my other survivor friends who went through treatment and are also "cancer-free" , but they did suffer some side effects ... so far my BAD side effects are only one thing - occasional self -doubt.. this comes from the ( as i call it) - public brainwashing about cancer... i think i'm right , and a zillion people think i'm crazy or have "huge balls" ..
i'm not that brave , i can compare how i feel right now , to how they said i'd be at this time ( late november) .. well i feel great , and they said "id barely be alive , so they can treat me " ... i have to think i am way better off than "barely alive"
so that's my problem ,, it's all mental...
my dad wants me to re-test, and i don't want to.. both tests are "bad" in different ways... if i got retested , and IF the cancer has spread, (( NO WAY !! )), i still would NOT sign up for their "treatment".. i'd like to give my dad some ease of mind, i owe it to him, his daughter/ my sister died "from cancer", and he's worried about me
report ...
weight ........... 150 all week !! i ate 6 times a day
tumor ........... small / tiny
strength ........ very good
pain .............. .02
attitude ........ very good
here is a link to my set from the other night - 40 minutes.. it goes by quick if you watch the whole thing,, if you want to see if they liked me .. watch the last 4 minutes... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpF5OprCjOQ&feature=youtu.be
like i said the other day - my tumor got punched in the face,, by this crowd
ok have a great sunday AND week
No comments:
Post a Comment