i'm just a speck

i want to make sure that i am  NOT  making anyone mad about  "my" out look  about  my cancer.        i can only write about  the feelings i have ..  i am a daredevil,, i  'walked-away"  from  treatment ,,  be careful  of  what i say. my influence  must  be researched ,    

my rule.. if it doesn't grow out of the ground ,, i am not  putting it in my body ,, ,, so  you  figure out how to  deal with information that  sounds "too good to be true".. 

my tumor ,,  it's what got me into the doctor's office in the first place,, is what  i use  as a reference  point.. it changes shape  daily,,  it is   somewhat  "soft" now,, it's the  size of a   "smartie" or a pez,,   it was bigger than a 25 cent gumball, on july 25th .. my  tonsils,,, "that were supposed to come  out " , are still  fine... 

if you  don't   know that  i  "have  cancer" , you can not see the tumor.. no freaking way the radiation would have had it this small, with no  side  effects...  no side effects, one more time ,,,, no side  effects 

i want to see the piece of paper that  has the data that  determined that i have  cancer,,,  it  has to be some numbers , or photographs, that a human being,  decides that ,, yep , these  #'s, or  Pic's  =  Cancer..

 i also want that person's name ..

  .. that little transfer of information really screwed my life around,, and  could have  REALLY had me in a world of shit if i was "doing treatment" .. i bet  that person was eating lunch when they looked at it, and  said  ..  oh  yeah  , this  one's cancer 



i try to keep this  kinda funny ,, but sometimes the  frustration spikes  go to the moon alice..

i have feelings  back in my hand again , from the   brake  job the  other day ,,, whew, i thought it was ruined forever

when i was in pain with my broken  neck,, i drew  millions  of  pictures,, the  pain would  stay on the paper,, my blog is  helping like that 

here's a drawing of my tumor progress

 
the   C   is   the  cancer  .

. and here's  how mad i was  when the pet scan blew my tumor up .................

                                                            july 24th


now ,,, ( sept 12th) ,, you  seriously have to "look for it "  to see it  ...


ok  a happy thought.. my guitar works great!!!,,  i fixed up a gee-tar how i wanted  it , and it  works fantastic.. ha ha


i will post  some  broken neck drawings soon ,,  not for kids 


here's one of my  drawings,, colored by my best!!!!!! friend

 ok-  now that's a happy  ending to today's  blog