i am
mentally exhausted .. my mind is tired. i have to figure out how to
just live again.... the " fight cancer " mind loop is the
worst... i know i'm fighting cancer , and beating it, but those
thoughts never turn off...
it started out as cancer = dead.. maybe not right away, but
dead.. then it was cancer = crappy life, until death. that took a
few months... now,, i don't think cancer will kill me. something
else will. so what's the beef ?
i
want my mind back... fighting my cancer gave me my youthful body back,
but it has taken a lot of my creative process away.. these blogs help
me un-do my own mental damage, and sometimes my problems are worked
out as i write.
i
guess i'm being selfish, feeling robbed by cancer for the last 7
months... i have to keep on the "bright side" and realize it will
just take more time to heal... sure my tumor is almost gone, but i
still have cancer on me . my system is "anti-cancer" , so i am not
worried about it spreading or getting worse... i still get the
occasional " do you think it spread ? " question from people,, and
that is a few minutes of unwanted thoughts.
one
of my "cancer buddies" told me , "you can feel great , and have a
shit load of cancer in you" .. and added , "it only takes ONE
cancer molecule to travel to another part of your body, and start new
tumors". crap
so
i guess i'm just being a bitch again,, poor me , boo hoo, i don't get
everything i want .. well that's life, i better step up.
i really have no physical excuses to be a bummed out,, i just have to un-do my dang mind.
ok , thanks for listening, i feel way better..
today
would have been my Mom's birthday.. she was the best !! the
family rule was be nice.. brilliant ! she was and IS my
inspiration, any time i need to better my self.. i finish today's
blog with a huge smile, thinking of her
Very Important!! Look for a person named Anita Moorjani on youtube (or her book, called "Dying to Be Me") She had cancer also....Cancer is not an enemy per se; listen to what she has to say about it!!! Your inner Being is where the healing comes from.....you might think its the vitamins....it's Belief, really!!!!Belief in your Self...(I'm Troy Pochop's wife, by the way!) You are an inspiration!!!! He's told me all about you. You might also like to read Wayne Dyer's books. He healed himself from lukemia. His latest book is "Wishes Fulfilled". Also a good one is "Inspiration". Energy + Invincible Determination = Desired Result. I know you have that!!!
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