feeling MUCH better

happy friday everyone , i hope you all have great weekends.

yesterday i was an emotional mess,, caused by stress - my biggest enemy..

the future is not written,,,  a good statement , ( and a great movie about Joe Strummer ) ...   anyway ...

 i got myself swirled up in stressing out about a possible January event.. what a dumbass i am...  some nice talk with some great people  un-did my terror..   i will most likely  not try to do the NYC trip,,,    it would be great to go and speak about my "battle" , but  it's  a lot of  different things would have to "line up " to make the trip do-able ,,,   basically 4 days of travel & lodging for  an 8 minute  presentation ...

i'm still trying to dig out of my $$ hole,  so i should probably concentrate on local things that will not cost me  any additional   funds that i don't really have ...  

at work last night, one of the regular racers / comedy fans, came in... he hadn't seen me since May,,  he knew i "retired" in june, and was surprised to see me there,,  "you're back "  he  said ,,,  then from about 15 feet away he added,,  "" wow , have you been on vacation or something ?  You  look fantastic,, are you getting some  sun from somewhere?,,""  he knew of my old neck issues, and asked how that was going...  then i told him about the cancer ...          ""Whaaaaaaat !!,,, no way ""..     i gave  him the  quick story,, the good vibes flowing off him made me fell so good...  this  guy  has a great spirit, you just feel good talking to him, he's one of those  people...     the  boost in my whole attitude from talking with him, erased all the trama i put on my self earlier in the day ,,,  a good  dose  of  "tumor-be-gone",,,  

the  ' kicker' was him saying --  ""you need to tell people about this,,,  this  could be something big ""  ,,,   

and then the NYC  trip  went   "ding" , in my head..

i got another call from one of my dear friends, she's  a my  blog reader,, and she might be able to get me a place to stay, right downtown in Manhattan...  with her nephew..  


i'll decide on the NYC deal in a day or two, i need to get a few more details worked out.....  the  easiest , less stress full thing to do would be  "forget about it"  for january, and try to get in another one , in the future..  bam , done deal, stress  is gone,,  focus on food & vitamins,  relax 


D W  - ( darrell waltrip , nascar racer)  had many  "sayings" ,, one of them --- "95 % of what you worry about  DOESN'T  happen --- stay cool , it will be  OK"

today is another  great day in my life ,  #1 - i am alive and feel great , #2  so many people are helping me with this cancer battle, #3  i feel great,, and can work , eat , and poop normally  ..............  " winning " 

ok that's it for now,,  all positive , all good


here is a pic of my extensive work out gear..  

         15 # dumbells,   40 # barbell,  sit up/ crunch device, ball for reverse crunches, wood roller for feet bottoms,  in the mirror , you can see the red hanging bands, and the  stationary bike wheel .. NO gym, no excuses , everyday !!

and we will end today with these words ......

super , fantastic, wonderful, bliss, sunny, cheer, grace, gratitude, excited, thankful , appreciate , kindness, love, happiness, warm,  calm, sincere,  humble

don't mees with stress

it been a few days, i've been working and doing shows...

i'm a bit +  stressed.. which is really bad.. this time it's over the  NYC  trip...   my sister said i could use some of her husbands travel miles, and have  free ticket to and from, which is great ,  but i'd still have to take a few days off from work,,   it won't be "free" in NYC either,, parking - if i drive -  I DON"T WANT to fly , but it would be safer? ...  i'd need a place to stay,  my special diet would be troublesome,all my pills would be a nightmare to the TSA , and  a hotel would be too much for my budget,  and just getting to the show could be trouble too... what if it  snows really bad ??            i'd  hate  to make some one taxi me around,  and if i flew out there , then i'd be  paying  real taxi's,, and i don't have that  extra $  either..          i can always  get in another show , later in the year, if the chance becomes available

ok,, typing all that out just helped....

# 2  stress this week,,,,  my dad wants me to get the CT scan,,,  i don't want to AT ALL,,,   i know  it will not  go well - as in , i'm allergic to Iodine, and i'm positive i will have a really bad reaction to this one,,   ((  i had one at the start of all of this ,, but i went into it "blind" and was  in- "" i'm taking all the tests mode"",,))   the bad reaction is already "in place" in my mind..                 so far my mind has been pretty powerful in the right direction, and if  it gets fuel to go bad, i think it will..

wow , i feel better already,,, thanks  friendly readers, for  letting me spew all this crap, all the time..

the internal chatter in my mind can help a lot, or  bring me down quick ..  i have to be careful about  what kind of  stress i'm loading into my system..   stress  was my cancer trigger,,  so i need to stay away ,, if it's choice ..

at  5 months from diagnosis, i better chill, and  not  take on too many projects
 
i'd be stupid to load myself up with too much at this point..   so far   , the healing has been fantastic, i've  simplified  my life,,  i'm focused on healing , that's my # 1 priority ,,,  everything else should be on the back burner

i saw the chiropractor yesterday , on schedule, and  he's still impressed with my progress, and overall situation...   my neck pains that were creeping in last week were taken away with the two  adjustments he makes..  whew,, what a relief 

well , i feel  way better than an hour ago...

health report ........

tumor ..........  holding  at same size
strength.......   another plateau crossed
attitude .......   mostly good, some what if's
weight ........    150 , all week,, i like  145 better
pain level.....     .04
overall ........    8.1     ~  the stress     

water is really good stuff

dec 3rd, and its above 60 degrees . awesome..    for me, warm weather  makes my day,,,

months ago, i thought december was really gonna  be bad,  struck down by cancer, and battered by treatment ..  

but look at me now !!!!

hilarious .. 

groups of seconds,, that's what memories are,, good or bad,,   today , feeling super great, the group of seconds when my mind said .....

""you are not gonna let the cancer industry touch you, you are gonna  eat your way out of this....""

and Leonard Cohen would say ........................

that was close, august 1st..

MORE thank you's to my pogues run food angel, or angels !!!  that's where i get my life saving foods, and then the big burst of love when they say ..... you have another gift card loaded...  i am truely blessed ,  i am very lucky  people like  me for  some reason


5 full months  since  diagnosis,, what a trip...  i feel the best i ever have in my whole life.. i look better than ever too.. from what people are saying...   my mind is over the   super-cancer-freakout  stage ....    it's all smooth sailing now.....

ok , 

super cool, don't be a fool.........

 

december has arrived

in racing,, when you're in the lead , near the end of the race, you start hearing "sounds".   it's like something is going to break, maybe just a small part, but it's gonna take you out of the lead, and maybe the race too........

i'm "hearing sounds",, my mind is playing tricks on me,,    by hearing sounds, i mean   i  am feeling little pains, and then the "what-if's" start.. i have to smack them out of my head..  

i'm  working the earth job 5 - 6 shifts a week, with comedy shows 3 nights a week.... my comedy shows have been extra physical lately, super good response, but i've just been a super-nut on stage ..  my neck takes the biggest beating when i'm a super-goofball, plus the guitar hanging on me doesn't help either...   if my neck hurts, then my mind starts talking  "what if"  crap..

even being "up-beat" and really positive,  this cancer thing blows..  it eats  up so much of your thinking time,,, it is a full time job - the food and great feeling is wonderful,,,   but that you have cancer ~ and cancer kills lots of people  is always clawing at your eyeballs..

TV is FULL of cancer "awareness" , walks, ribbons, pink football shoes,  movember,,,    you just can't get away from it ... and if you have  cancer,,,  you just  wanna scream...   it's all about treating and "early detection"  ,, nothing about  prevention,,,    when is the "we are  raising awareness that  real organic food prevents cancer and almost all other diseases"   1/2 hour special  going to be shown ?? 

not soon dang it 

November was  really great ,, i get to shave !! ,,  or ,, do i do the Dr Phil for a couple weeks ???? ,,,  then i could shave it all off,,  and have a "cancer-do",,, i'd look like an old skinhead , with nowhere  to go

 i wish facebook was never invented, but it was , and  lots of people use it.. it has some good value,,  people send me inspirational stuff, good vibes,  & love ,, that's  great .. i was sent this today .. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x82Ov07onSs 

Disabled war vet ..  if you haven't seen it , please watch 


comedy is wacky , tonight's show was really great for me , had a blast , everything worked great ....    the wacky part -- 6 comics , 2 audience members...  but those  2 were the best ,  we all had a great time , and they said they were glad they came

ok that's it for today

i think i've mentioned  this before,, but  worth repeating ,, 

"if you dress nice,  no one can tell that  you feel like shit"

great month, good stuff happening

this month is still being really great.  best month since  diagnosis!!

i had more generous food gifts this month too, THANK YOU  to my food angels !!! 

my comedy shows have been very good.. i keep  getting great comments about  my "new show" ,, it's the same old crap, presented  better...  last night i moved forward again in the contest in Muncie ,, the crowd  did the   otto! otto! otto! otto! otto!   chant.  that killed a bunch of cancer cells .. 

2 more  Movember shows and i can shave my 'stache  off.   my mustache came in really fast , the  other guys in my group - not  so much ...  earlier in the month,  one  guy in the group was almost pissed at how mine grew in and his was so weak---  little secret ~~  mascara !!!  chaaa...   stage lights make light  &  gray hair disappear  ,, so you have to darken in things..        my gray hair is always glued in place, so it LOOKS  black,, but i'm almost 35 % all gray..   my charming face.... i can't do anything about that 

 i want  to make the New York trip in January. right now i just have the - date  - jan 5th ,,, & an invite to speak..  i hope to get more details soon , and i will post them ..   the weather could knock that whole  deal out,  we will have to wait & see ...

nothing to complain about, and i'm trying  not to anyway , so that's nice........               my mind has been cooperative lately, staying positive, and suppressing the "what if's"...  

my weight has been 150 - 153 all week, on the "eat way more than you want to "  program ..  i figured out roasting broccoli with potatoes in the oven makes a good base for  everything..   i needed a break from raw broccoli for a day or two...  the nutritional value goes down a bit , if they are cooked,  but you can eat more,,  and it's  in my diet program anyway ( cooked vegetables)  

what's left of my tumor is super hard , like a pebble,  it's been the  same shape for  a while now,, it might be mostly  scar tissue , after imploding on it's self ..  it's very hard to see , even if you know where to look.....     my neck did hurt a bit , the other day , and my mind took off like Evil Kenievel --  some  major "what if's" ,, 

i'm sure it's just because i stepped up the stretching, and added more time to my neck exercises.   i see the chiropractor next week , on schedule ,, i don't want to get behind on that again..

i am an old mess....  but -   i can stay pain free if i stay active.  do every exercise, stretch, eat right, think correctly,  &  sleep enough.  that's not very hard ...  chronic pain is awful

overall ............

weight   .................... 151
attitiude ...................  super
tumor  .....................   small, 
strength ..................   better still,   muscles building 
pain .........................   1.3
overall  ...................    9.4   ---   the comedy shows help !!

   

here's what i eat

                             and here's  Zuzu  on  me...........




people have been asking about "what i eat" or my diet.. here it is

 all  organic  if possible...  

potatoes, tomatoes, avocados, carrots, cucumbers, broccoli ,cilantro, leaf lettuce, leafy greens,  beans- many types,  quinoa,  rice ( small amounts), granola, dried cherries-tart, corn tortillas, himalayan pink sea salt, onions, garlic, bananas, apples, other fruits, almonds, other vegetables, water, spices 


juice,  5 # carrots + 4 apples=   64 oz  or MORE - every day.

i eat a mix 'n match of those ingredients,  as much as you want,, 
 4 meals / day , i got down to 142  lbs,   
 5 / meals a day = 145.  
@ 6 meals/ day = 150 ... 

seriously, you can eat as much as you want,, here's my additives . 

                                                  and........
                           these........... PLUS  vitamin C 

 

                     plus potassium ,  calcium, and  spirulina
      
       i split all of the above into  4 doses - 1 dose  each meal 





my "exercise" program is  

100  reverse crunches on ball   
100  crunches 
15 # free weights - presses & curls 
40 #  bar bell   presses & curls
Hang & stretch from handles from ceiling ,  many minutes
30 minutes , stationary bike
30 minutes NECK traction + 10 # dumbells while hanging

80 minutes all together..   60 of them are seated

also add  walking the  2 dogs, 2 times  per day
...2 X per day - breathe with authority 
 and  ..  stretch ALL day

no membership, i don't have to drive somewhere, no one else's   sweat!!!    for neck traction i'm  seated, the bike has a seat ,and  stretching !!!    just   minimal weights -  feel like a teenager again

                          what a neat way to start the  day .............the harness pulls up ,
                             and of course i have way "over the limit" amount of weight...   
       while hanging , i listen to healing tones,  Tibetan Bells , or  Native American Music  

            i have  an invite to tell my  FOOD  Vs cancer battle story in NYC in January,,
                                                                 more details  soon



                                                             here's my Movember 'stache

   
                                          2  Movember shows in Indy this week,,
                                                        Thursday @ Daddy Reals Place  .  96th street
                                                        Saturday @ the Under Ground 9    - irvington
 
 ok .........thanks for playing along
 


  

paddle ball of the brain

                        here is  Zuzu, using Bella  as a pillow

the dog comedy just never ends here..

this month has been great , i'm blended in at work, there is minimal stress, and  i've had  many good shows.   i "feel"  normal again.    i have a good   "earth job" ,, and i get to be on stage frequently..... 14 + gigs a month....    i've received many nice comments from other comics, and audience members about how my show is  "more alive" or  "just better"  somehow...    i am also having fun ON stage  now too.

so THAT part of my life is doing great..

the cancer deal is and up & down thing... i'm UP !!  , my tumor is almost the  "speck" it was  for many years.. i'm healthier than ever !! , my strength is almost like my high school days,  and my attitude is constantly  very good.  i am confident in my "treatment" and i am not afraid of the cancer i have on me - it's not  moving , or getting worse. 

 my problem is  "proof" that it's working -  as in paperwork stating that my cancer is  going away.. the  2 tests that will show no spread are not user friendly.. one is nuclear, and the other is Iodine..  the nuclear ( PET) scan really did me wrong, so i'll never have another one of those..   the CT scan (iodine),   didn't effect me nearly as bad , but i signed up for that when  my mind was melting about the possible  cancer diagnosis..  i can't remember really even having the CT in late  june  or  early july ... i DO remember being really  itchy, that's one of the  minor side effects... 

if my cancer was "private" , as in, no one knew about it,, i would  never go back to the cancer  center..  i believe that my diet & suppliments are  working .. i feel really good..   One of my cancer friends told me   ---  " well - you can feel great , and have a shit-load  of cancer in you " .. this sentence has been re-playing in my mind ..   his cancer  spread quickly and would have  done  him in, , he went through "treatment" and is  fine now...    my other survivor friends  who went through treatment  and are also "cancer-free"  , but they did suffer  some side effects ...       so far my BAD side effects are only one thing - occasional  self -doubt..  this comes from the ( as i call it)  - public brainwashing about  cancer...  i think i'm right , and a zillion people think i'm crazy or  have  "huge balls" ..

i'm not that brave , i can compare how i feel right now , to how  they said i'd be  at this  time  ( late november) ..  well  i feel great , and they said  "id barely be alive , so they can treat me " ...  i have to  think i am way better off than "barely alive" 

so that's my problem ,, it's all mental...  

my dad wants me to re-test, and i don't want to.. both tests are "bad" in different ways... if i got retested , and  IF  the cancer has spread,  ((  NO WAY !! )), i still would NOT sign up for their "treatment"..    i'd like to give my dad some ease of mind, i owe it to him, his daughter/ my sister  died "from cancer",  and he's worried about me


report ... 
weight ...........  150    all week !!   i ate  6 times a day
tumor ...........   small  / tiny 
strength ........    very good
pain ..............    .02
attitude ........     very good


here is a link to my set from the other night - 40 minutes..  it goes by quick if you watch the whole thing,,  if you want to see if they liked me .. watch the last 4 minutes...   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpF5OprCjOQ&feature=youtu.be

like i said the other day - my tumor got punched in the face,,  by this  crowd

ok have a great sunday AND week