head trip

well  it's all mental undoing now...  the physical part of having cancer is under control / fixed...  

cancer isn't like  having a heart attack.   it builds up slowly until you can see it or feel it..   like the  leveling bubble on a yard stick, my "tumor" ( or what's left of it )  is visible.    if it starts  getting bigger again, then i need to worry..   

i  feel great , i have no pains,  i can do whatever i  want,,   but i'm having trouble   shaking   the cancer thoughts  off my  mind...     i can't say  - i'm cancer free , that might not be true.   i can say i am  beating MY cancer,  and i should be so super happy about that .

as i read more different cancer books , i'm finding out i'm going through the normal phases of the mental side of  fighting cancer ..  what's great about  this phase is i'm not  damaged by "treatment" , so undoing my mind should not be that difficult...  yeah  right 

health report 

attitude .................  good  
weight ..................   150
pain     .................    0
tumor size ............    smallest yet
strength  ..............    A +
overall    ..............    8.5   ~  mental funk


thanks  for the good  vibes, i will try not to waste them.

i've received a few e-mails about me being an inspiration !!  

 i will try to step up the positivity !!!

,what

potatoes, broccoli , carrots , apples

they are on the cover of the Gerson  Therapy


tomatoes , cilantro, cucumbers , lima beans, coconut oil, avocados , garlic, blueberries , mango, pineapple, quinoa , leafy greens. fruits  

that's  about all i eat ... throw in a few vitamins, and  pow !    feeling great

now if  could only scrape the cancer wallpaper off the inside of my skull, that's  this weeks  project  

and scene

i am mentally exhausted ..  my mind is  tired.  i have  to figure out how  to just  live  again....   the " fight cancer "  mind loop is the worst...  i know i'm  fighting cancer , and  beating it,  but  those thoughts  never turn off...         

  it started out as  cancer  =   dead..    maybe not right away, but  dead..   then it was  cancer = crappy life, until death.  that took a few months...    now,,  i don't think cancer will kill me.  something else will.   so what's the  beef ?  

i want my mind back...  fighting my cancer gave me my youthful body back, but it has taken a lot of my creative process away..   these blogs help me un-do my own mental damage,  and sometimes  my problems are worked out as i  write.   

i guess i'm being selfish,  feeling robbed  by cancer for the last  7 months...  i have to keep on the  "bright side"  and realize  it will just take more time to heal...     sure my  tumor is almost  gone,  but i still have  cancer on me .  my system is  "anti-cancer"  , so i am not  worried about it  spreading or getting worse...     i still get the  occasional  " do you think it  spread ? "  question from people,, and that is  a few minutes of  unwanted thoughts.

one of my "cancer buddies"  told me ,  "you can feel great , and have a shit load  of cancer  in you" ..   and added , "it  only takes ONE cancer  molecule to travel to another part of your body, and start new tumors".       crap  


so i guess i'm just being a bitch again,, poor me , boo hoo, i don't get everything i want ..  well that's life, i better  step up. 
 i really have no physical excuses to be a bummed out,, i just  have  to un-do my dang mind.

ok , thanks  for listening, i feel way better..


today would  have been my Mom's  birthday..  she was the best !!   the  family rule was  be nice.. brilliant !   she was and  IS  my inspiration, any time i need to better  my self..   i finish today's  blog with a huge smile, thinking of  her 

tic toc tic toc

seven  months since  diagnosis..

the  doctor could  have  said ......... 

this might  be  tough , but  you are  going to have  to eat nothing but  vegetables and some  vitamins for the rest of your life.    there's no  side effects, you just might want to wash stuff off really well.  

then he should  have  handed me a list of  NEVER EAT foods.

and i would  have  said ........
 heck  yeah , lets  do this


the replay of the doctor telling me  "what i needed"   keeps  looping  in my mind...   what i needed,  + , the  side  effects


thanks  to everyone  for  sending the  good  vibes




 




 

nothing really new

i feel like  a slacker if i don't post everyday,,  but some days i have nothing  interesting to blab about

the  "fighting cancer"  loop has been running through my mind..it never ends,,  it  eats  up so much time, it's  hard  to be creative, it's a bummer

but  i am still alive & feeling great

the  internet gives me stress,, computers too..  i don't like  downloading  things,  it's scary to me..  that sounds  silly , but  that's the way it is

sorry about this weak , non-informative post.

tomorrow  will be  7  months since the diagnosis... 

happy days are ahead !!

24 minutes you'll never get back

here's the link to my "talk"  from the Melody Inn.   as  an entertainer, i think it's  not so good..  but like i said , it  was a  test run, i learned a lot, and  the  next  ones  will be really  much better .  otto talks about his cancer & food


plateau's of learning .  


since my cancer  diagnosis,  my life  has actually gotten much better ...   at first  it was terrible, but now  it's amazing  how  good i feel.        reading lots  of   different things  helps too..    it's all mental now,  stay in the  present, accept all that life  gives  me.  help as many people as i can  have a better day .       breathe , eat right, spread love



that deserves a   ding

are doctors & lawyers made of the same stuff

hang in there if you are dealing with something .  relax if you can,, for at least a few seconds at first,, the minutes  will build, but  at  least try  for the few seconds

if there was a split screen / dual time line  of my last 6 months,   what i did  Vs. what i turned  down,, that would be interesting.

i still feel fantastic..  plus the mental ups  & downs and  the never ending  cancerthoughts  are diminishing .

tomorrow i'll post a link to the cancer talk i did last week,, it's  how it  went, .,   was kind of a test run , the next ones will be much smoother

thanks  to the Food Angels again !!!!    how wonderful full you make me feel ,, thank you  again

i've been doing the  baking soda  mollassas gargle for a few weeks now, and the tumor is shrinking again, .. most people have cancer  deep inside, so drinking this would make sense.   my  supposed cancer is on my tonsils,  so i make this potion 2X , and gargle  with  it...  it's a direct hit to my "primary cancer spot"  .. ha ha & F-U cancer !!!     i drank the formula  for a few days, but  hated the taste,,   the  2X gargle  for sure is  making a difference

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yl8Y8I_TsjI




ok   see you all tomorrow .. video blog